I have become more and more fascinated with the science behind Bipolar disorder. My counselor is showing me ways to re-wire my brain. Literally. I can change the direction of my thoughts…and eventually re-direct the neuro-pathways in my brain to shoot off a different message automatically. I know this all sounds like mumbo jumbo. And it sort of still is for me. But I am hungry to learn more.
All I can say is that I am BEYOND encouraged that there is so much science and facts and evidence behind my disorder. It makes me feel less crazy. The idea that I can address common thinking errors and filter through my “automatic thoughts” and practice drumming up evidence to disprove an automatic thought (in my case this is usually negative self-talk) is really cool. Over time I will be able to change the pathways in my brain and hopefully be better at coping when my emotions/thoughts spike (manic) or drop (depression) suddenly. I hope to learn how to stop myself from descending or ascending into a cycle. I want to know how to identify triggers and symptoms and stop the roller coaster before I reach the very bottom or the very top. The life of someone who is Bipolar and on meds still means there are ups and downs. (well some meds can take away the slight ups and downs but then you become a robot. No feelings. No emotions. No color to your personality. No thanks!) My meds tend to curb the extreme highs and the extreme lows…but they do not eliminate them entirely. So that means I need more arrows in my quiver. I need more tools to cope. And these tools do not come in the form of a man-made chemical compound fashioned into a tiny off-white pill.
Sorry if this post is vague or confusing. All I can say is that my counselor rocks and he is giving me tangible tools to practice with. I am very excited and I am ready to work hard and take all of this seriously so that I can learn. I can change. And then I can show others.
On that note….I am off to Spokane. Gonna visit my family, photograph a dear friend’s wedding and TURN 30!
XXXX and an O
Sara Mo
Sara, that is incredible!! I am so inspired by your drive to understand this disorder and to do what it takes to be the best you. I think it is awesome that you have found such a wonderful counselor as well!
ReplyDeleteXOXO,
Shauna